Still, I Write: my ongoing battle with the voices in my head
I’ve spent countless hours trying to get the first sentence out.
Wrestling with the best way to structure my message.
Failing to fully commit to one idea.
Questioning the validity of my experiences.
Giving up on myself, and coming back the next day.
Giving up again.
Shitting on myself for not holding true to my own commitments.
Fearing how my family members will react to my raw expression of self.
Doubting the relevance of the topic that I’ve chosen.
Wondering if I’ll ever recreate the magic of my “greatest hit.”
Wishing that my writing process was as easy to push through as a day at the gym.
Shaming myself for not starting to write sooner.
Thinking through the consequences of using creativity to thrive in a capitalistic world.
Imagining the hypothetical day when my words are misinterpreted and the world turns against me.
Scrolling multiple social media timelines, hoping that inspiration will fall into my lap.
Fighting to quiet the countless voices in my head.
Forgetting the reason I even started to write in the first place.
Remembering that I’ve been on this battlefield before.
Accepting that I have to fight for the things that I’m passionate about.
Understanding that the fight isn’t going to be as easy as I want it to be.
Believing that I can shut out the voices distracting me from the task at hand.
Appreciating the painstaking nature of my writing process as evidence that I’m giving life to things that no one else can manifest.
Pushing through, and living to write another day.
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